he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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