wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
