I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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