Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
