1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
