it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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