I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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