when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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