Your tits are I can't wait for
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
