I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
