Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
