watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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