Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she peed on how many people?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
