nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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