Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
