I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
