dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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