you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
