I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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