There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
