he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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