she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
