If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize