what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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