I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
