Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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