i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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