so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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