so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
