I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
