yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
