Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
