Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
