"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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