Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
