um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
3 2 1 whiskey
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
