There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
