Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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