hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
