i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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