Where is the hickey?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
