Fuck appropriateness.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
