Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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