so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
