Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
