i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
