pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
