So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
