Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize