the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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