Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
