i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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