how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
