Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
