why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
