Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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