I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
