I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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