What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
