did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize