it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
