So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
