Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
