I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to make out with him forever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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