I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
